Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
