I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
