For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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