wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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