I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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