i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
