There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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