Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
