Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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