I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
