Me too!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
