I met the friendliest cop last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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