I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you still have your period?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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