I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
