It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
