I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
