wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
