Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
