Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
