I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
