something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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