it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
