My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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