i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
