Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
