The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
