I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
