Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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