I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
