If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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