I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize