Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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