My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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