So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
