I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
a search helicopter?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
