seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize