We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
