Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
