I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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