maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
