By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
