i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
