so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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