Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
