That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize