Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
