Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
