Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
