I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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