Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
