ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
