good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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