Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize