Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
