Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
