so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
