Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
