i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
