i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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