Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
