Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
