those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
