dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
