alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Panties = found
Randomize
