Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
