I heard we made out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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