i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
