I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize