i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
