I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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