are you still at the devil's house?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
