I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
