I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
